Autumn

10-21-03

Autumn reminds me of old books and burning leaves and fleece blankets and cold noses.

The leaves laugh at me. They dance and swirl and laugh at me before I crush them with my boots.

I don’t miss this weather anymore, after so many years of enjoying it. Because it helps me remember, after trying so hard to forget. It comes once a year; not to say that I don’t remember the rest of the time, because I do. The weather makes it harder because it is all around, all the time, you can’t hide it away in boxes or photo albums on your shelves. I remember this time a year ago, two years ago, five years ago; where I was, those I was with. The weather is here again, but gone are the people who used to accompany it. Scattered to the far corners like dead autumn leaves.



You smile because you have to, because you are required to. It’s only when someone close finally mentions how it never reaches your eyes. Your kin, someone precious to you in a way no one else can be.

It hangs over us, you know. Or maybe it is just me. Knowing that this is perhaps the last time we see one another for an untold amount of time. Focus on the here and now, words more easily said than accomplished.