Shawn has written, and is in the process of tweaking, a beautiful blog post of his own. Once he has perfected it, I will ask his permission to post it here.

Because everyone needs to read it.

Everyone.

Me: I'm talked about in many circles. [pause] In a good way.
Greg: Yeah, I'm talked about in many circles as well. But in less of a good way.

Strip Poker

Me: Steve has a tattoo?
Shawn: It's a frog or a smiley face. I forget which.
Me: Ah yes. It's a smiley face. I know I have seen it, I just can't remember where.

[later]

Me: We should just all strip naked and we can see all the tattoos.
Shawn: [laughs]
Me: No seriously. It's okay, because you're gay. We can totally be naked and it won't matter. All we will be like is 'Oooh, pretty,' and 'nice placement.' And don't forget the piercings.

I just want her to care.

To claim to have been in love with someone, living with them, planning a life with them, and to not even appear to be phased by it all being over is what hurts.

Someone actually defended her the other day. They said well maybe she is just acting, or repressing it.

I laughed so hard I almost starting crying.

Apt

I saw an apartment I liked today.

However, it's a studio and it's $700 + utilities.

It is also in a fairly nice neighborhood. And has a washer and dryer and a gym in the building.

I think part of me hates her because for the first time in my life I feel worthless.

That I can be discarded so readily and with such ease.


Would it kill her to care?

Probably not.

It is too busy killing me.

Deal or No Deal

Seriously, Howie has the best job in the world.

With two little words he summon 26 beautiful women.

"Ladies, Please."

I want that power.

Goodnight and goodbye.

Used

The sad fact of the matter is, most people will use you and then lose you. You are only good for what you can do for them. Physically, mentally, emotionally, monitarily, etc etc etc.

Now, a lot of you are thinking I am being this pessimistic because I've been hurt. But it is actually true.

For example. The ex tells me that her new landlord will have more apartments to rent near the end of October. A benevolent gesture perhaps?

Hahaha. No.

It would be a couple houses down from her. And the purpose I would serve would be a pet sitter.


Think I am lying or being pessimistic now?

I'm Psychic

I knew you didn't tell her we were dating, after she mysteriously decided to contact you after more than a year of not speaking.

I knew you wanted to break up with me, and told her, before you did.

You conveniently broke up with me before she came to visit for a week. A week in which the two of you shared a bed.

I know you are going to see her over Thanksgiving break.

You are both fucking bitches.

5 years ago today we first kissed.

It also would have been our 2 year (consecutive) anniversary.

I'm off to Utah for almost a week in October.

Don't miss me too much.

I knew it.

I fucking goddamned knew it.

I was called something derogatory today. I was out walking the dog and this was shouted at me:

"Fu----- Fa----!" [if you can't think of the second word, just think of slurs for homosexuals]
"Fu----- Gay!"

What really bothered me was that if you are going to go out of your way to be small minded, biggoted and any number of other things, at least be correct with the use of your slurs.

We put everything aside, for a night, to go out and have a nice dinner. Local restaurants, twice a year, offer a 3 course meal for $30 dollars a person. Good restaurants, and excellent food. We would save up all our quarters just so we go out when this special week would roll around.

And it was nice. Good food, no fighting.

But now that it is over, nothing has changed.

I'm still alone, and will be heading to bed shortly...alone.

Alone and very sad.

9/11

Today marks the 5th anniversary of attacks on World Trade Center and Pentagon.

I'm sure I have written a post before, but I cannot seem to locate it. So forgive the repetitiveness, if you will.

I was sitting in class when it happened. My professor came in and had asked the few people who were there if they had turned on the tv yet that morning. The answer was no, because being college students we were lucky that we even made it to class on time, let alone had any minutes to actually watch the television.

Nothing could have prepared us for what we saw as our professor turned on the tv located in the classroom. Smoke billowing out of one of the towers. During the course of the next hour and twenty minutes, we witnessed a plane crashing into the other tower and both towers eventually falling.

My next class was cancelled, as were classes the next day.

You never forget what you were doing or where you were when history comes calling. My mother could tell you exactly what she was doing when she heard JFK had been assassinated. My father could tell you exactly what he was doing when John Lennon was shot and killed, being just 3 weeks after I was born.

And before anyone jumps on me saying that the murder or two individuals doesn't compare with the murder of almost 3000, I am merely illustrating a point. All of these events were horrible tragedies, all of which left their marks on the people who lived through those times.

One day, perhaps I will visit Ground Zero. And remember all of those people who thought, as well as myself, it was just going to be another day on September 11, 2001.

And The Hunt is on...

So now, supposedly, living together until the lease runs out is no longer an option.

This weekend I will be on the prowl for apartments...

Wish me luck.

On a Happier Note

Congrats to Natalie and her partner on expecting a little bundle of joy early next year.

To the woman being locked up for animal abuse:

I hope in that year you spend in jail for animal cruelty, someone makes you their bitch. That poor dachshund could not have done anything to deserve being locked in a room with no food or water, and the only things available to eat were human hair and dental floss.

The dog could not be saved.

Rot in hell, bitch.

Seriously, nothing bothers me more than people who impose their will on [smaller, weaker, what have you] others. Someone who beats on their significant other, people who abuse their kids, persons who abuse animals, etc.

Yet More Reasons Why I Love Him

Shawn: Shawn's House of Love.
Me: Do you deliver?
Shawn: Yes

[later]

Me: If only you liked women more. And if only I liked men...more.
Shawn: [laughs]
Me: What? I like men, I just like women better. However, given recent events, the approval rating for men is on the rise.

[still later]

Me: Shawn, I am a bisexual scorpio who cannot remember the last time she got laid. The standards are slowly heading south...

According to Jim

I rarely watch, but I caught a minute of the episode on last night. They were playing a board game, and the question was, "If an attrative stranger offered you a trist while you both are on and airplane, and there is absolutely no chance anyone would ever find out, would you take it?" [assuming you are married]

Then today, a coworker of mine said he wouldn't mind one last 'hurrah' before he gets married. But you are getting married, was my response. To him though, the ring on the finger makes it more permanant, more final.

I asked him what he would think if his girlfriend did what he was proposing to do.

He said he would flip out.

Ah, double standard, how I have missed you.


----


In others news, yet someone else I know is engaged to be married.

Twist the knife a little bit more, PTBs, twist it more.

Here's The Deal

Give me back:

The last year and a half of life
A majority of the past 5 years of my life
Everything I gave up to come here
The 3.5 months rent I paid when I wasn't even living in this godforsaken apartment
The children's names we decided on
The ring design
The $300 for your car
My fucking heart

This is the last post

under this url
I will be changing it

if you want to know what it will be, drop me an email
and if I want you to know what the new url is, then I will respond

otherwise
that's all she wrote

RIP

Steve Irwin

"You just have to make a big joke out of it."

"I don't see how that is going to help."

"Oh it does, trust me. I have a story that violates of tenents of human decency."

*laughs* "All of them? Not just some?"

"All of them."



---
Thanks for making me feel better. I wasn't aware it was possible to cry while laughing while also crying because you are upset.

I tend to fuck up pretty badly about once a decade. I really outdid myself this week.

I'm sorry.

You know it is going to be one of those days when:

You get to work and while walking you have to stop mid stride to actually give thought to whether or not you put on a bra this morning.

Working on a combined 2 hours of sleep doesn't help either...